How to Find the Right Therapist for You

Deciding to seek therapy is an important step. But once you’ve made that decision, another question often appears:

How do I find the right therapist for me?

There are many different types of therapists, therapeutic approaches and directories, and it can be difficult to know where to start.

You might find yourself comparing qualifications, reading profiles and trying to work out which approach sounds most suitable.

Those things matter.

But finding the right therapist is about more than ticking the right boxes.

Therapy is a relationship. How you feel with the person you are working with matters too.

There isn’t one “best” type of therapy

One of the confusing things about looking for therapy is the number of different approaches available.

You may come across terms such as:

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
• psychodynamic psychotherapy
• person-centred therapy
• integrative psychotherapy
• humanistic therapy
• relational therapy
• systemic therapy
• somatic or body-oriented approaches
• Dance Movement Psychotherapy
• Creative Arts Therapies

These aren’t simply different names for exactly the same thing.

Different approaches have different theoretical foundations and ways of understanding people and change.

Some are more structured. Some are more exploratory. Some focus particularly on thoughts and behaviours, while others pay more attention to relationships, emotions, the body or experiences from the past.

This doesn’t mean you need to become an expert in therapeutic theory before choosing a therapist.

You are looking for someone whose way of working makes sense to you and seems appropriate for what you are looking for.

Look at how the therapist describes their work

A therapist’s profile can tell you quite a lot.

Don’t just look at their list of qualifications. Read what they say about how they actually work.

Do they explain their approach in a way that you understand?

Do they describe therapy as something you do together, or does it sound as though they have a particular programme they expect you to follow?

Do they talk about the therapeutic relationship?

Do they acknowledge that different people need different things?

And perhaps most importantly:

Does something about the way they describe their work resonate with you?

Sometimes you can’t explain exactly why a particular therapist stands out.

That’s okay.

Qualifications matter — but they aren’t the whole story

It is important to check that a therapist is appropriately trained and registered with the professional body relevant to their profession.

You should be able to find information about their training, professional registration and areas of practice.

It is also reasonable to ask questions if something isn’t clear.

But qualifications alone can’t tell you what it will feel like to work with someone.

Two therapists can have very similar training and work in quite different ways.

The therapeutic relationship is not something that can be reduced to a list of qualifications.

Think about the relationship

Research and clinical experience have consistently highlighted the importance of the therapeutic relationship.

This makes intuitive sense.

Therapy asks you to talk about things that may be difficult, private or painful. You may need to explore parts of yourself that you don’t usually show other people.

You therefore need to feel sufficiently safe to be honest.

That doesn’t necessarily mean you will immediately feel completely comfortable.

Therapy can sometimes feel challenging. You might feel uncertain, vulnerable or even irritated with your therapist at times.

But there should be a sense that you can bring those experiences into the therapy rather than having to hide them.

A good therapeutic relationship isn’t about liking your therapist all the time.

It is about having enough trust, safety and openness to do the work together.

Pay attention to how you feel

This is something I encourage people to notice.

After speaking with a potential therapist, ask yourself:

How did I feel during the conversation?

And:

How did I feel afterwards?

You might feel relieved.

You might feel curious.

You might feel that you were listened to.

You might even feel a little nervous because you’ve talked about something personal.

None of these feelings automatically mean that a therapist is right or wrong for you.

But they are useful information.

You may notice that you felt you had to impress the therapist, or that you couldn’t quite be yourself.

You may feel that the therapist was talking at you rather than talking with you.

Or you may have a sense that you could gradually become more comfortable with this person.

Your response is part of the information you have available when making your decision.

Don’t worry if you don’t know what you need

People sometimes worry that they need to choose the right type of therapy before making contact.

You don’t.

A therapist should be able to explain their approach and help you think about whether it might be appropriate for what you’re looking for.

You can ask:

• What approach do you use?
• How do you normally work with clients?
• What happens in the first session?
• Do you work with the difficulties I’m experiencing?
• Do you offer online or face-to-face sessions?
• How often would we meet?
• How long are sessions?
• What happens if I don’t feel the therapy is helping?

These are all reasonable questions.

You are not being difficult by asking them.

You are trying to make an informed choice about something important.

The first therapist you speak to doesn’t have to be the right one

It can take time to find the right person.

You may contact someone and discover that their approach isn’t what you’re looking for.

Perhaps their availability doesn’t work for you.

Perhaps something about their way of working doesn’t feel quite right.

That doesn’t mean therapy isn’t for you.

It may simply mean that particular therapist isn’t the right therapist for you.

Equally, you don’t have to search indefinitely for the perfect person.

There probably isn’t such a thing as a therapist who ticks every possible box.

The question is whether there is enough of a fit to begin a useful therapeutic relationship.

What if you don’t like your therapist?

This is worth mentioning because therapy isn’t always straightforward.

You may disagree with something your therapist says.

You may feel misunderstood.

You may become frustrated with them.

You may even wonder whether you made the wrong choice.

Sometimes this is a sign that the relationship isn’t working.

But sometimes it is something that can be explored within the therapy itself.

Being able to say:

“I didn’t feel understood last week.”

can become an important part of the work.

A therapist should be able to hear this without becoming defensive.

The therapeutic relationship is itself part of what you are working with.

Finding someone who works in a way that suits you

There is another consideration that is particularly important if you’re looking for a therapist because you have become interested in a particular way of working.

For example, you may know that you want a therapist who works with the body, movement, creativity or relationships.

Or you may know that you don’t want a highly structured approach.

You may prefer someone who will work collaboratively with you rather than someone who gives you exercises to complete between sessions.

These preferences are legitimate.

You don’t have to choose a therapist simply because their approach is popular or because somebody else found it helpful.

The right approach is the one that makes sense in relation to you and what you are hoping to explore.

What I think matters most

As a Dance Movement Psychotherapist, I don’t believe therapy is about finding someone who has all the answers.

I bring my professional knowledge and experience.

You bring your own life, history, relationships, body and experience of being you.

We bring those things together and see what emerges.

For me, therapy is a collaborative and relational process. I work from a humanistic, integrative perspective, which means I draw on different therapeutic approaches according to the person and the work we are doing.

My embodied approach also means that I pay attention to what happens in the body, not simply to what is said.

That won’t be right for everyone.

And that’s okay.

Therapy doesn’t have to be right for everyone. It needs to be right for you.

Give yourself permission to choose

Perhaps the most important thing to remember when looking for a therapist is that you are allowed to choose.

You can ask questions.

You can take your time.

You can speak to more than one therapist.

You can decide that someone’s approach isn’t right for you.

And you can change your mind.

Seeking therapy can feel vulnerable enough without feeling that you have to get the decision perfect.

You don’t.

Start by finding someone whose approach makes sense to you, whose professional background you can trust, and with whom you can imagine gradually developing a relationship where you feel able to be yourself.

From there, the therapy itself can help you discover what you need.

You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going before you begin. Sometimes the right therapist is simply someone who can walk alongside you while you find your way.derstanding, and improved wellbeing.