Boundaries begin with awareness.
Boundaries are often talked about as something we communicate to other people: saying no, asking for space, or making clear what we will and won’t do.
But boundaries also begin inside us.
Before we can communicate a boundary, we often need some awareness of what we are experiencing and what feels okay for us.
Sometimes our bodies give us clues.
We might notice ourselves becoming tense, pulling back, holding our breath or wanting more space.
At other times we may feel relaxed, open or drawn towards something.
These responses aren’t instructions, and they don’t always give us a straightforward answer. But they can be worth noticing.
Explore your yes
Think of something you genuinely enjoy or feel comfortable with.
Notice what happens in your body as you bring it to mind.
Perhaps there is a sense of ease, warmth, openness or energy.
Or perhaps there is something completely different.
There is no particular sensation you are looking for.
Simply notice.
Explore your no
Now think of something you don’t want to do.
Again, notice what happens.
Does your body respond differently?
Perhaps you notice tension, withdrawal, resistance or a desire to create space.
Or perhaps you notice very little.
Whatever you experience is okay.
Give yourself time
In everyday life, we don’t always have the opportunity to pause before responding.
But sometimes we can.
If someone asks something of you and you’re unsure, you don’t necessarily have to answer immediately.
You might say:
“Let me think about it.”
Giving yourself time can create space to notice what you actually want.
Reflection
- How do I recognise a yes?
- How do I recognise a no?
- Do I find it easier to notice one than the other?
- What happens when I give myself permission to pause before responding?
- Where might I need a little more space or choice?
A boundary doesn’t have to be hard or defensive. Sometimes it is simply a way of making space for what matters to you.